“You know you can get it for free, right?” – the benefits of a transactional relationship

We can all agree the dating scene is a nightmare, right? And yet the idea of seeing a professional is still looked at with some level of incredulity and scorn. There’s still this idea that a sex worker is the stereotype of a girl walking the streets, looking to pick up any guy that will pay. Survival sex work and street based sex work absolutely still exist (and that’s an entirely separate post I can get into details on later), but that’s not the reality when it comes to booking a sex worker you’ve found through a reputable online ad. There’s also this idea that the only people that book professionals are doing it because they “can’t get a girl,” which is ridiculous. Just because you could get a girl, doesn’t mean that it’s worth the gamble.

We all know time is money, it’s a cliche for a reason. Time is the one thing you can never get back, never earn, never buy. The biggest drawback of dating, especially casually, is the time cost. You spend hours wading through tinder, or other apps, messaging back and forth to see if there’s a connection, setting up a first date, hoping there’s enough chemistry to lead to some romance and sex. There’s no guarantee any of it will work, there’s no guarantee of safety, and you have to take more of a shotgun approach. Message a number of women, and see who makes it through to the end. That’s a lot of sunk time when you’re just looking for someone to spend a fun evening with. Men will pay for access to exclusive dating sites to try and reduce this time cost, make it more efficient, but balk at the idea of booking a companion or escort, simply because the idea of “paying for sex” is stigmatized (another entirely separate post). But here’s the thing, you aren’t paying for sex, you’re paying to skip the time cost in searching for the right companion for an evening.

A good professional is someone that’s a great conversationalist, genuinely enjoys meeting new people, is engaging, can find the good and interesting and sexy in almost anyone, is safety focused (I don’t know anyone that’s more strict about protection and regular testing than sex workers) and will make sure your evening goes flawlessly. Many professionals have regulars they’ve seen for years, they build that relationship, but they also know where the boundaries of that relationship lie. This is one of the best aspects of a transactional relationship with a professional. We bring the benefits of a girlfriend type relationship, but without the downsides, time cost, and at the hours you want (and only those hours). Who wouldn’t want to pay for that level of convenience? Just because the relationship is transactional, doesn’t mean the connection isn’t real!

Let’s break it down into numbers and take the sex completely out of it. Take your annual earnings and divide it by a 24 hour day, 7 day week. What’s that hour worth? Say you make $200,000 per year (just for easy math). That works out to about $23 an hour for every single hour of your year. Let’s say you want a fun night with a comfortable, easy, fun lady once a month. You could easily spend 2 hours scrolling dating sites trying to match, another three messaging and setting up a date, and then another 3 on that first date trying to figure out of the vibe is right, and if the chemistry is going to be leading to anything. You will have to put in that same amount of effort every month maintaining that relationship or starting a new one. That’s 9 hours a month, or 108 hours a year. Which for this example is about $2400. That’s all before any private time or sex is part of the picture.

Instead you could find a provider, let’s say that’s the same 2 hours of scrolling and making a list of ladies to message. You send those messages and get a date set. Let’s be generous and say that takes an hour. The date arrives and conversation flows, the chemistry is there, there’s no guesswork during the evening, she takes care of it all. Repeat dates next month only require a quick schedule check, or if you’d like to see another lady, it’s just as easy. She’s already on your list from your original search, it’s just an email to set the date. That’s 6 hours that first month, and only 5 min each meeting after that. 7 hours for the year instead of 108. Using my rate of $600 for a 3 hour social date, and including your hourly time cost rate. That’s about $670 instead of $2400. Financially it’s a smart move. You know exactly what to expect each time, you build the relationship on your terms. You are buying back your time, exactly how you want it. That gives you an extra $1700ish to spend on private time with your professional of choice!

Take the money out of the equation, and what you’re doing is building a professional, working relationship. The benefits of that relationship are companionship, a charming person you can bring around others (just say you met online, that’s normalized enough), a person who is invested in making your life easier and happier, discretion when you need it, convenience, removing the guesswork, and time savings. Much like other professional close relationships, for example a barber, driver, or really good bartender, you can get as close as you want. You become friends over time, there is real care and connection there, you know things about each other’s lives, and they are also doing their job and getting paid for it.